Lesson 15 – Ephesians Chapter 5:22-33
Last week we talked about what it means to be filled with the Holy Spirit. My prayer for you is that each day your desire is to walk with God, being Spirit-filled. We also talked about being able to always give thanks to God, even when we walk through the valley of the shadow of death. God is always with us and God is always in control; knowing and realizing these truths can help us when the tests of life come roaring in. The last thing we covered was the subject of submission, Eph 5:21 “Submitting to one another in the fear of God.” And tonight, we will continue with submission, and how it plays a major role in all marriages.
MARRIAGE 101
Eph. 5:22
“Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.”
For men who don’t have a perfect understanding of this text, this is their favorite verse in the Bible. For some women, they’re thinking to themselves, “Oh brother, why did God have to put this one in the Bible.”
One commentator writes, “Because so much of the church has long disregarded the full teaching of Scripture, many believers find some of its truths to be unfamiliar and even hard to accept. And because the church has been engulfed in, identified with, and victimized by worldly standards, God’s standards seem to be out-of-date, insignificant, and offensive to the modern way of thinking. That His ways are so high and so contrary to the way of the world that it is inconceivable to many in and out of the church.”
Obviously, this verse is directed to wives. Paul says for them to submit to their husband, and that her submission to her husband is her service rendered “as to the Lord,”
Col. 3:18
“Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting for those who belong to the Lord.” (NLT)
The action word here is, submit… This word was a Greek military term meaning “to arrange troop divisions in a military fashion under the command of a leader”. In a non-military use, it was “a voluntary attitude of giving in, cooperating, assuming responsibility, and carrying a burden.”
Remember, living life out as a believer, we’re not to emulate the world, but God. The world has a real problem with women submitting in any way.
Eph. 4:1, 24
“Therefore I, a prisoner for serving the Lord, beg you to lead a life worthy of your calling, for you have been called by God.” “Put on your new nature, created to be like God – truly righteous and holy.”
In our new nature we should be all about obeying Scripture. In a women’s new nature, she should be willing to submit.
When we read God’s written words to us, we must allow them to penetrate deep into our very souls, so that our flesh won’t rail against us when we hear words like “submit.” When the world hears the word submit, they see it as some form of slavery. Submission within the marriage has a very important function.
John MacArthur, “But in matters of role and function God has made distinctions. Although there are no differences in intrinsic worth or basic spiritual privilege and rights among His people, the Lord has given rulers in government certain authority over the people they rule, to church leaders He has delegated authority over their congregations, to husbands He has given authority over their wives, to parents He has given authority over their children, and to employers authority over employees.”
I Peter 2:13-14
“Submit yourselves for the Lord’s sake to every human institution, whether to a king as the one in authority, or to governors as sent by Him for the punishment of evildoers and the praise of those who do right.”
Jesus submits to the Father;
I Cor. 15:28
“Then, when all things are under His authority, the Son will put Himself under God’s authority, so that God, who gave His Son authority over all things, will be utterly supreme over everything everywhere.” (NLT)
John 6:38
“For I have come down from heaven to do the will of God who sent me, not to do my own will.” (NLT)
The three Persons of the Trinity voluntarily submit to each other respecting the roles They perform in creation and salvation. So, the Father sent the Son into the world (1 John 4:10). These roles are never reversed in Scripture: the Son never sends the Father. Likewise, the Holy Spirit is sent by Jesus and “proceeds from the Father” to testify of Christ (John 14:26; 15:26). And Jesus perfectly submitted His will to the Father’s (Luke 22:42; Hebrews 10:7).
The idea that we need to submit to one another as we saw in verse 21 is the most important principle supporting every relationship a believer might have, and this carries over into marriage. It’s important for us as believers to understand that the Christian marriage is also an opportunity to become a witness to the world around us.
Wives are to align themselves under their husbands to illustrate the response of the church to Christ. We are all to submit to God’s authority.
When both husband and wife are treating each other as worthy of more honor than themselves, the needs of both are met wonderfully. I like to say, “Love a little more, take a little less.”
What we are seeing throughout our country today is the result of decades of disruption within the family. Through satan’s efforts, he has convinced women to become dissatisfied with their godly position as a wife and a mother. With this female ideology, women are convinced that the last thing they want to do is submit to a husband’s authority. Along the way, this has also led to the feminization of the man as well. Satan knows by experience that when the home is weakened, all of society is weakened, because at the heart of all human relationships is the family. Submission begins in the home. To be submissive in our actions is to have godly character.
Eph. 5:23
“For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body.”
The wife’s supreme motive for submitting to her husband is the fact that he is the purposeful head in the family… at least he should be. In far too many households the wife has taken the lead position. The husband needs to be a godly man, one the wife can depend on.
I Cor. 11:3
“But I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God.”
If Christ isn’t the head of every man, then “Houston, we have a problem.”
Col. 1:18
“Christ is also the head of the church, which is His body. He is the beginning, supreme over all who rise from the dead. So He is first in everything.” (NLT)
One commentator says, “A wife who doesn’t properly respond to the direction of her husband, displays a serious spiritual dysfunction.”
Thus, husbands are to align themselves with their wives by loving them selflessly for their sanctification, illustrating Jesus’ love for His church. Jesus is the standard for our lives and our marriages.
Eph. 5:24
“Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.”
God’s Word lays out God’s plan for the family. If we follow His plan, then this pleases Him. What are the positive consequences to this? We will find that it’s the only way to having a godlier, happier, and more secure home. No surprise here, it just makes perfect sense to do things God’s way.
Eph. 5:25
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her,”
Here we have what I like to say is another “flagship” verse from Paul. This is a command and it goes out to all husbands, especially to the guys who think their wife’s purpose is only to wait on them hand and foot, which we just showed is not the case.
The husband is to also submit to his wife, and he does this through his love for her. If we examine this closely, the husband is to have a limitless kind of love for his wife. We know this because this is the kind of love Jesus has for His church. Furthermore, Jesus loved His church even before His incarnation.
Eph. 1:4
“Just as He chose us in Him before the foundation of the world, that we should be holy and without blame before Him in love,”
Guys, we’re to love our wives with an unselfish love, just as we see in Jesus’ sacrificial death on the cross, which He gave Himself up for the church. He did this all because of His love for us.
John 10:11, 15
“I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd gives His life for the sheep.”
“As the Father knows Me, even so I know the Father; and I lay down My life for the sheep.”
Gal. 1:4
“Who gave Himself for our sins, that He might deliver us from this present evil age, according to the will of our God and Father,”
When Jesus came to this earth as a man, He knew that He would be mocked, ridiculed, rejected, beaten beyond recognition, and crucified. Jesus knew from eternity past of what the Father would require of Him, yet He still came down to us, and drank the whole “cup of suffering” on our behalf. There is no greater demonstration of love. Guys, this is our standard of love, and God’s Word is telling us to have this same kind of love for our wives. This is truly humbling.
A husband is not commanded to love his wife because of what she is or is not. He is commanded to love her because it is God’s will for him to love her. The commitment made with our wedding vows… for better or worse, rich or poor, in sickness and in health, in good times or bad times… the husband is to love his wife. No pressure guys! But, we are to always honor that commitment and covenant given before the Lord.
Who can do this? The Spirit-filled husband!
John MacArthur, “Therefore the Christian who loves because of what other people may do for him or because they are attractive does not love as God loves. The husband who loves his wife only because of her physical attractiveness or pleasing temperament does not love her as Christ… loved the church. The husband who loves his wife for what she can give him loves as the world loves, not as Christ loves. The husband who loves his wife as Christ loves His church gives everything he has for his wife, because that is what Christ’s kind of love demands. That is his submission.”
Eph. 5:26-27
“That He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.”
In ancient Greece, a bride-to-be would be taken down to a river to be bathed and ceremonially cleansed from every defilement of her past life. Whatever her life had been before, it was now symbolically purified and she would enter the marriage without any moral or social blemish… the past was washed away.
In verses 26 and 27 we have a picture of what Christ did for His church, He did it to cleanse her. Along with this, husbands are to love their wives as Christ loves His church, which is to love them with a purifying love. It is through the blood of Christ that we are sanctified and cleansed.
Heb. 9:14
“How much more will the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered Himself without blemish to God, cleanse your conscience from dead works to serve the living God?”
Ezekiel 36:25
“Then I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean; I will cleanse you from all your filthiness and from all your idols.”
Cleanse her with the washing of water by the word… This is not baptismal regeneration; that would be contrary to everything Paul has been teaching us, as well as in the entire New Testament. Metaphorically speaking, being regenerated is pictured here as us being cleansed by water.
Titus 3:5-6
“Not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to His mercy He saved us, through the washing of regeneration and renewing of the Holy Spirit, whom He poured out on us abundantly through Jesus Christ our Savior,”
Washing of water by the word… The Word refers to the “preached word” the message of salvation that unbelievers hear.
Rom. 10:8
“But what does it say? “The word is near you; it is in your mouth and in your heart,” that is, the message concerning faith that we proclaim:” (NIV)
Once the Holy Spirit has pricked our hearts and we invite Jesus to come into our life, at that very moment we are without spot or wrinkle or blemish… we will never be cleaner.
Isaiah 1:18
“Come now, and let us reason together,” says the Lord, “Though your sins are like scarlet, They shall be as white as snow; Though they are red like crimson, They shall be as wool.”
Psalm 103:12
“As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us.”
But that she should be holy and without blemish… This is who we are in Christ, holy and without blemish. This is also the prophetic future for the bride of Christ. So as brides prepare themselves for their husbands, Jesus prepares His own bride for Himself.
Eph. 5:28
“So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself.”
Men, whatever you’re doing to your wife, you are really doing to yourself. Guys, according to Paul, the best thing you can do for yourself as a husband, is to love your wife. Loving your wife is better for you than working-out, lifting weights, jogging, or preparing for a marathon. You see, in this case, the word love is a verb, it’s an action and not a feeling.
This is actually something that you choose to do for her. It’s just like you choose to serve the Lord, and in fact, by loving your wife you are serving God. This is pleasing to the Lord and to your wife.
The world is right when it says, “happy wife, happy life.”
Eph. 5:29
“For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.”
Contrary to what society says, the Bible declares that we don’t have to be taught how to love ourselves… we already do. In fact some people do a “very” good job of loving themselves.
Verse 29 plays off verse 28, in that, a husband who comes to realize that his wife is truly his own flesh, will treat her with love and care. A foolish or selfish husband does not. The husband who loves his wife as Christ loves the church will no more do anything to harm her than he would harm his own flesh. His desire is to nourish and cherish her just as he nourishes and cherishes his own body… because this is just as the Lord does the church. God nourishes His church.
Phil. 4:19
“And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus.”
A loving husband should be all about supplying all his wife’s needs. Something is wrong in the marriage if the wife is looked upon only as a cook, housekeeper, occasional companion, and sex partner.
John MacArthur, “To nourish a wife is to provide for her needs, to give that which helps her grow and mature in favor with God and man. To cherish her is to use tender love and physical affection to give her warmth, comfort, protection, and security. Those responsibilities are primarily the husband’s, and not the wife’s. As Christ provides for His church, so the husband provides for his wife and family.”
Eph. 5:30
“For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones.”
Jesus provides for us as His church… For we are members of His body. Jesus considers the church as His bride, even though believers haven’t gone through the wedding ceremony yet. It’s like with our names written in the Lamb’s Book of Life we’re going to heaven, we just haven’t arrived yet. In the meantime, Jesus will continue to nurture and provide for the church.
We are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones…
I Cor. 6:17
“But he who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with Him.”
Gal. 2:20
“I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.”
I Cor. 12:27
“Now you are the body of Christ, and members individually.”
It is so good to belong to Christ!
Eph. 5:31
“For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”
Paul is quoting Gen. 2:24, this is the standard for marriage.
God’s Word teaches that there is a special union between the husband and wife which supersedes the original family ties. Meaning, that this is a “holy union.” The only one above the husband and wife is God. The priorities in life go in this order… God, husband or wife, children, then job or ministries. The husband or wife should never come before God, and the children should never be above the husband or wife. Children are to always be taken care of, but they are not to take precedence over the husband or wife.
Also, in marriage it’s important to know a new family has begun, and the relationships of the former family (meaning parents of the husband and wife) are to be severed as far as authority and responsibilities are concerned. Too many times family ties are not broken, which can challenge the authority of the husband or wife causing a great deal of friction within a marriage. The same can happen when a child is placed above a spouse.
• How does God see your marriage?
Matt. 19:6
“So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.”
This speaks of the marriage union and the commitment that is made before God. Where it says, “Let no man separate” that includes the husband and wife as well. We are to take the marriage vows we make very seriously and not break the commitment. It is to be seen as a holy covenant between the man, the woman, and God.
A healthy marriage will fit into God’s eternal plan.
II Cor. 4:18
“While we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal.”
Just as with every believer, a marriage faces three battle fronts; the flesh, the world’s influence, and satan and his demons. It’s also important that a husband and wife are equally yoked as Christians. Having a marriage with a heavenly perspective makes all the difference in the world.
Any marriage that does not have God at the center of it is doomed to fail at some point. Just as we are to live Christ-centered lives independently, our marriages should be Christ centered as well.
The ways in which we pursue a firm personal relationship with God needs to carry over into married life as well. Prayer, studying God’s Word, meditating on his Word, as well as memorizing God’s Word are all key in this relationship.
Applying these two actions… living a Christ centered life, and pursuing a healthy relationship with God, will put into place a marriage with a firm foundation… one which will be able to weather the storms of life when they come.
Col. 3:1
“If then you were raised with Christ, seek those things which are above, where Christ is, sitting at the right hand of God. Set your mind on things above, not on things on the earth.”
Keeping a heavenly minded perspective in your personal life and your married life, will make for a strong and vibrant marriage, one that honors God.
Healthy marriages and homes make for healthy churches.
Eph. 5:32
“This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.”
The mystery of marriage is that it’s all tied into God’s plan, that Jesus wants to be one with you… one with your marriage. The great mystery is that one day we will be married to God.
Rev. 21:9
“Then one of the seven angels who had the seven bowls filled with the seven last plagues came to me and talked with me, saying, “Come, I will show you the bride, the Lamb’s wife.”
Bible commentary says, “A husband’s greatest motive for loving, purifying, protecting, and caring for his wife is Christ’s love, purifying, protecting, and caring for His own bride, the church. Christian marriage is to be loving, holy, pure, self-sacrificing, and mutually submissive because those virtues characterize the relationship of Christ and the church.”
Why else would God refer to the church as His bride?
We’ll close with verse 33…
Eph. 5:33
“Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”
Paul uses the word “nevertheless,” because it is intended to end the discussion and highlight what is most central to remember.
It’s really pretty basic… love and respect. This is interchangeable for the husband and the wife, they are to have love and respect for each other. The best way that this can take place is that they both live Spirit-filled lives. When believing husbands and wives walk according to the Spirit, they will seek God’s Word for wisdom and knowledge, they will yield to God’s control, and they will be mutually submissive to one another. The positive consequences to this will be happiness and blessings.
Having a godly marriage is a foreshadowing of what is to come. None of us really know what it will be like being married to God, but the best way to prepare for this is to have Spirt-filled lives and Spirit-filled marriages.