Lesson 16 – Ephesians Chapter 6:1-7

We closed out chapter 5 with some great godly advice on how to nourish and maintain a healthy marriage, that wives are to submit to their husbands as to the Lord. As a wife does this, she becomes the ultimate encourager for her husband, as well as a support system with a godly foundation. This is priceless in God’s heavenly economy.

We also talked about that the husband is to love his wife as Christ loves His church. The weightiness of this command runs along the same lines as; “Love the Lord with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength.” With Christ as the example, the husband is to love his wife with an everlasting and pure love. If he does this, he is in fact submitting to his wife. We know this to be true because the love that Jesus demonstrated on the cross, was Jesus submitting to the Father’s will, all out of love.

As I said in our last lesson, healthy marriages and homes make for healthy churches. Things have changed in our country considerably, and it’s like no one ever saw it coming. It’s the proverbial scenario of the frog sitting in the pot of water. You slowly turn up the heat until the water boils, the frog never notices the increasing temperature and stays put until he boils to death.

From the book, “New Days Old Demons”, pastor Mark Driscoll writes;
“God wants His people to live in the light, and satan wants us to live in darkness. Much like a dimmer switch, satan and demonic forces know that if they simply flipped everything from light to darkness, it would be too obvious and stark. So, evil forces at work in the world slowly turn things darker and darker hoping that, over the course of years and generations, the darkness is winning without alarming.”

Over the past ten decades in our country, the godly influence over our nation has disappeared. Morals and values are almost non-existent. “In God We Trust” is no longer a motto our country adheres to. And this all didn’t happen overnight. The pot of heated water was slowly turned up by satan, along with the sad truth that there are numerous weak churches that no longer preach the truth of God’s word.

By husbands and wives submitting to one another through their Christlike actions, there will be an up-tick in God fearing marriages. This can have a positive ripple effect that will go on to the ends of the earth.

As we glide in to chapter 6, our final chapter, we will start out with more family advice from Paul, continuing his call for a healthy family.

Eph. 6:1
“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.”

When we read this verse, we can see that Paul is perhaps making the assumption that when the Ephesian church comes together, the children are going to be there with their parents, thus the children are hearing the Word of God for themselves.

To take it a step further, tek’-non the Greek word for children, refers to anyone of any age living with their parents. They could be 5, 18, 24, or 32 and still fall under the category of tek’-non. The main point is, tek’-non, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. So, to all those 32-year-olds who are still living with mom and dad… you are to obey your parents… for this is right. When Dad says, “My house, my rules,” he’s making a biblical statement to whoever is living under his roof.

To obey, means that this is an action to take… in the Lord, and that this obedience is well pleasing to the Lord. It’s not necessarily that parents deserve to be obeyed, but at a higher level, the child is living to please God. Parents become the beneficiaries of their child’s godly action. The basic reason for children to obey their parents is simply that it is right.

Eph. 6:2
“Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment with promise.”

Honoring your parents has to do with having the right attitude. Children have to be trained to obey and honor their parents by the parents, that’s their job.

Proverbs 1:8
“My son, hear the instruction of your father, and do not forsake the law of your mother;”

And the Proverb today’s society deplores…

Proverbs 13:24
“He who spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him promptly.”

The rejection of this Proverb has led to uncountable numbers of undisciplined children and adults throughout this world.

Proverbs 4:1-4
“Hear, my children, the instruction of a father, and give attention to know understanding; for I give you good doctrine: Do not forsake my law. When I was my father’s son, tender and the only one in the sight of my mother, he also taught me, and said to me: “Let your heart retain my words; keep my commands, and live.”

Jesus talked about honoring our parents five times in the gospels, and that we are to honor God as well.

John 5:23
“That all should honor the Son just as they honor the Father. He who does not honor the Son does not honor the Father who sent Him.”

Jesus honored His parents when He was a boy. You know the story about when Jesus was with His parents in Jurusalem for the Passover. When it was over, Scripture says, Jesus lingered behind and went in the temple and spoke to the elders and amazed them with His knowledge.

Jesus’ parents were miffed because they couldn’t find Him for three days. When they found Him, He told them He was all about His Father’s business… they couldn’t grasp what He was saying at the time.

Luke 2:51-52
“Then He went down with them and came to Nazareth, and was subject to them, but His mother kept all these things in her heart. And Jesus increased in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and men.”

Jesus was “subject” to His parents, He honored them. Jesus submitted to His parents even though He knew more than they did. Because He submitted to them, we read that He grew in favor with God and man. In other words, there was something about Jesus that attracted people to Him to such a degree that a few years later fishermen would drop their nets, a tax collector would abandon his vocation, and great numbers of people would leave their homes just to follow Him.

The word translated “honor” means a “perceived value; to render or esteem glorious.” Honor originates in our hearts and refers to the value we personally place on something or someone. When we honor God, we are demonstrating the high regard we have for Him. We are reflecting His glory back as we praise and worship Him.

God desires honor that comes from our hearts…

Isaiah 29:13
“Therefore the Lord said: “Inasmuch as these people draw near with their mouths and honor Me with their lips, but have removed their hearts far from Me, and their fear toward Me is taught by the commandment of men,”

As we should all know by now, all our intentions and actions toward God need to come from a sincere heart, otherwise it’s all just lip service.

Children are to honor both their father and mother, to hold them in the highest possible respect. When God laid out the Ten Commandments, the first commands having to do with human relationships had to do with our parents.

Exodus 20:12
“Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord your God is giving you.”

We’ve been talking about husband and wife relationships and family. When the husband and wife come together, children are born, making a family unit. God designed marriage and family, and to have a complete godly family, it starts with the children obeying and honoring their parents. This honor goes beyond the child living in the home, it is a love and respect for the parents that transitions into a lifetime.

(2b) Which is the first commandment with promise: or with a promise. (6:3) “ that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth.”

From Jon Courson, “Why is it right to obey Mom and Dad? Because there’s a promise connected with the principle: He that does so will live long on the earth…

Again Exodus 20:12
“Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long upon the land which the Lord your God is giving you.”

What does this mean? The rabbis say it means that the days of the one who obeys his parents will be rich… not necessarily long in quantity, but long in quality. This could very well be true, some of the finest saints in church history died at relatively young ages. Take Jim Eliot for example, he was perhaps one of the most impacting missionaries in the past half century, even though he died at the age of 23. His days weren’t long, but they sure were rich.”

There are favorable results… positive consequences in obeying and honoring your parents. This states a general principle for us, that obedience cultivates a self-discipline, which in turn brings about stability and longevity in a person’s life.

Eph. 6:4
“And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.”

Perhaps Paul is addressing fathers and not mothers. Why? Moms are all about nurturing and caring for the kidos. Most mothers will do whatever it takes to make sure her kids are taken care of, remember she’s a momma bear. Dads can be a whole different story…

Paul says, do not provoke your children to wrath. Paul repeats this in Col. 3:21…

“Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.”

Provoke: (par-rod-a-gid’-zo) is to rouse to wrath, exasperate, infuriate, or anger.

When Paul wrote this, the homes in Ephesus were probably in shambles. It would’ve been pretty much unheard of for there to be any semblance of a stable family or to even have a mutual love for one another. Things were very different back then. Within Roman law, the father had complete control, he could kick anyone out of the household… slaves and even family members… he literally had the power of life and death.

A new-born child was placed at the father’s feet to determine the baby’s fate. If the father picked it up, the child was allowed to stay in the home; if the father walked away, it was simply disposed of, much as aborted babies are in our own day. The discarded babies who were healthy and vigorous were collected and taken each night to the town forum, where they would be picked up and raised for viewing to see who would become slaves or prostitutes.

The word fathers (pat-ta-ya) usually referred to male parents, but it was sometimes used to refer to parents in general. Paul has been speaking about both parents in the preceding three verses, so it seems likely that he still has both in mind when he’s using “fathers.” In Hebrews 11:23 the exact same Greek word is used and in the text it says “parents.”

Looking back on your childhood, do you remember times when you were very angry with your father? Fathers have a dangerous tendency to want to relive their lives through their children. They might say, “I played ball, so you’ll play ball,” or, “I was good at math, so you’ll be good at math,” or perhaps, “I was popular in school, so you will be too.”

The thing fathers (and mothers) need to understand is they are to teach, discipline, correct, and direct their children… not mold their children. It can be hard for a child to be compared to their father, especially for a son.

A godly father will observe his child to see what God has blessed the child with, what talents and what abilities they might have. With the proper upbringing, the child will unfold into their own unique personhood. A good father will let his child develop as the individual God made them to be. Again, the father’s job is to teach, discipline, correct, direct, and be there for his children.

At an elementary school, once a week they had a day of “show and tell,” but this one time the kids were to talk about their fathers and what they did for a living. One kid got up and said, “My father is the president of his company and he travels all over the country.” Another one said, “My daddy is really rich, and we have a big house, a fancy car and a pool in the backyard.” One boy said, “My Dad is a professional baseball player.” The kids and teachers alike were very impressed with all the stories… that is until a little girl in the back of the classroom cautiously stood up and said, “My daddy is… here”.

This is a great story for us to show that life is short and we only get one shot at this. Fathers, should use the time God has given them wisely, and make the most of every God-given opportunity, making sure he cares more for his family than anything else, including his job. In light of the word “fathers,” this advice is extended to mothers as well. Indeed, none of us are promised tomorrow.

There are numerous ways parents can provoke a child. Things like, showing favoritism, comparing one child to another in front of the child, or pushing achievements beyond reasonable bounds.

There’s the true story of a woman who was raised in a Christian family, but her mother had ceaselessly pushed her to be the most popular, beautiful, and successful girl in school. She became a cheerleader, homecoming queen, and later on a model. But the pressure to excel became just too great and she had a complete mental collapse. After she was eventually released from the hospital, she went back to the same artificial and demanding environment that she was raised in. When again she found that she couldn’t cope any more, she committed suicide. Tragic indeed.

A few other ways parents can provoke their children are…

*By discouragement… the child is never complimented or encouraged, only given negatives.

*Parents failing to sacrifice for their children, thus making them feel unwanted.

*Failing to let their child grow up at a normal pace.

*Using their love for the child as a tool of reward or punishment.

*And lastly, by physical or verbal abuse… proper physical discipline is “not” a matter of exerting superior authority and strength over a child, but of correcting them in love and reasonableness. Remember, don’t spank a child when you’re mad, allow yourself to settle down first.

But bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord…

Children are a gift from God, it might not seem like it at times, but they are truly a gift. This is also an awesome responsibility, and not to be taken lightly.

Matt. 18:10
“Take heed that you do not despise one of these little ones, for I say to you that in heaven their angels always see the face of My Father who is in heaven.”

There’s a special place in God’s heart for children, and as parents, we are to raise our children in the Lord, that the day would come where they too will come to know Jesus as Lord and Savior. We are to train and discipline children in the ways of God. Teach them to love and respect Him, and also raise them up in the truth of His Word. To do anything less is evil.

Now we move onto Spirit-filled labor relations. Submission begins in the home and carries over into the workplace.

Eph. 6:5
“Bondservants, be obedient to those who are your masters according to the flesh, with fear and trembling, in sincerity of heart, as to Christ;”

We’ve seen this word “bondservant” before, and Paul used it to describe himself, that he was a bondservant of Christ, a slave to Jesus Christ.

When Paul wrote these words, it was at a time when there were over six million slaves in the Roman Empire. A slave was considered to be less than human and they were treated as such. In fact, in most cases they were treated quite brutally. So when Paul comes out and says that slaves shouldn’t be angry, rebel, or run away from their masters, it had to come as quite a shock to them. Instead of rebelling against their master, they were to obey him. This comes off the heals of, “be subject to one another in the fear of Christ.” (5:21) Some might say, “I thought that meant with other believers,” and it does, but what do you do with the command, to love your enemy?

Matt. 5:44
“But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you,”

What Jesus is saying plays right into what Paul is teaching, that we are to obey whoever is over us.

We will find that obedience brings blessings. A good example of this is seen with what David went through. David had a pretty bad boss, his name was King Saul. Saul was so bad, that he was doing all he could to have David killed. I’ll bet none of you ever experienced that with your boss.

I Sam. 24:1-2
“Now it happened, when Saul had returned from following the Philistines, that it was told him, saying, “Take note! David is in the Wilderness of En Gedi.” Then Saul took three thousand chosen men from all Israel, and went to seek David and his men on the Rocks of the Wild Goats.”

Saul had his army and he was going after David to kill him any way he could, but when Saul comes to a cave to relieve himself, we find out that David is hiding in the very same cave.

In the next scene, we see David has the perfect opportunity to kill Saul. What does David do? He sneaks up to Saul and cuts off a piece of his robe. After he did this, David was sorry.

I Sam. 24:6
“And he said to his men, “The Lord forbid that I should do this thing to my master, the Lord’s anointed, to stretch out my hand against him, seeing he is the anointed of the Lord.”

What do we learn from this story? That God allows certain people to come into our lives. It might be a bad boss, a misguided teacher, or perhaps a less than honest partner. You might not respect the person in authority over you, but you must respect their position because God has put them in your life for a reason.

Be obedient to those who are your masters…

Obedient in this text is in the present tense in the Greek, which means uninterrupted obedience. What Paul is teaching is we are to obey in everything and at all times, not just when we feel like it. The only time we’re not to obey is when we’re told to do something sinful… but you already know that.

Peter addresses this topic as well…

I Peter 2:18-21
“You who are slaves must accept the authority of your masters with all respect. Do what they tell you – not only if they are kind and reasonable, but even if they are cruel. For God is pleased with you when you do what you know is right and patiently endure unfair treatment. Of course, you get no credit for being patient if you are beaten for doing wrong. But if you suffer for doing good and endure it patiently, God is pleased with you. For God called you to do good, even if it means suffering, just as Christ suffered for you. He is your example, and you must follow in his steps.” (NLT)

How must we perform our obedience? With fear and trembling, in sincerity of heart, as to Christ;

The idea is not that of a cowering fright, but of honor and respect that make a person anxious to please. A Christian should perform any good deed as a ministry to Jesus Christ. If we can’t honor and respect our employer for the employer’s sake, we do it as unto the Lord, for the Lord’s sake. If you have a dog of a boss, look past your boss and perform for Jesus… remember, we are Christ’s ambassadors. Your boss will be blessed because of your devotion to God, thus your obedience becomes an excellent witness.

John MacArthur, “Although men terribly abuse it, the principle of authority and submission is God-given and is always to be honored. God has allowed bosses to be where they are and subordinates to be where they are, and the faithful believer willingly and graciously submits to those under whose authority God has placed him.”

A good way to look at this is your place of employment should be considered your mission field, it’s your personal ministry. The believer has the opportunity to be a light in the darkness. Every time you do your work carefully and respectfully, your boss and co-workers will take notice. But, most importantly, your godly performance in the work place is pleasing to the Lord.

Eph. 6:6-7
“Not with eyeservice, as men-pleasers, but as bondservants of Christ, doing the will of God from the heart, with goodwill doing service, as to the Lord, and not to men,”

“Try to please them all the time, not just when they are watching you. As slaves of Christ, do the will of God with all your heart. Work with enthusiasm, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people.” (NLT)

The United States Marines had a saying before the military went “woke,” they would say “We’re looking for a few good men.” This is what God is looking for in His children, and not just a few, all of His children. This calls for believers with godly character. How do they act when no one is looking, when they’re all by themselves?

The world says to us, “Just do enough to get by, and when nobody is looking, just kick back. If you have a chance, leave work early. If you’re doing something you shouldn’t be doing, make sure you cover all your tracks.” The problem is, people have a tendency to look left, right, and all around, but they never look up. God sees everything, believers and unbelievers alike. A sincere Christian never needs to be checked up on, because they always do their work to the best of their ability (at least they should be), it doesn’t matter if anybody is looking or not.

What Paul is teaching here is the believer is going to do everything as if God is standing right there next to them. In reality, God is always right there with us. Now, He’s not there as some kind of threatening boss, but God is there to help us in whatever situations we might find ourselves in.

Isaiah 41:10
“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.”

We don’t need to be “men-pleasers,” we need to be living out our lives in such a way that it is pleasing to God.

Eph. 5:2
“And walk in love, as Christ also has loved us and given Himself for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet-smelling aroma.”

I’ll close with this…

When we walk in love, when we seek out every day to be Spirit-filled, and pursuing a life of Christlikeness, we will find that we are better parents, and we are better employees, willing submit to those authorities above us. For those of us who are retired, you know who your boss is. The battle is far too great for us not to live this way.

The day is soon approaching when we will stand before our Lord and Savior, and I know that each one of you longs to hear from Him… “Well done good and faithful servant, enter into My rest.”