Lesson 11 – I Peter Chapter 3:1-7
As we dig into the first part of chapter 3, we can label it as “Understanding marriage from God’s perspective.” All along Peter has been giving us life lessons from God’s Word, and in verses 1 to 7 he will speak both to the husband and wife.
One pastor says, “We should not be surprised that in the middle of his epistle in which the word “suffering” appears sixteen times, Peter addresses the subject of marriage.”
I guess you can say that within a marriage suffering occurs, but I would not say that suffering is what defines a marriage. As a marriage can experience both trials and tribulations, it’s all about how those difficulties are handled by the husband and wife, they will ether grow stronger under the pressure or crumble completely due to the strain.
Warren Wiersbe, “A strange situation exists in society today. We have more readily available information about sex and marriage than ever before; yet we have more marital problems and divorces. Obviously, something is wrong. It is not sufficient to say that God is needed in these homes, because even many Christian marriages are falling apart.”
It’s disheartening to hear that the divorce rate among Christians isn’t much different than that of the world. Earlier, Peter instructed us to desire the Word of God like babies need their mother’s milk. The answers to a good marriage, as well a good life, can all be found in the Bible. Peter will give us some simple advice to both these things in chapter 3.
I Peter 3:1
“In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives,”
At the time Peter wrote this, it was a time when women were second class citizens, they received little or no respect at all. Today, you hear about middle-eastern fathers who go after their daughters and kill them, if in their eyes they think the daughter disrespected them in any way. This is much the same in the Greco-Roman culture of Peter’s day, the father had all this power, which granted him life-and-death authority over his whole family.
At this time in history, a woman was to stay at home, and just serve and obey… and that was it! This is because husbands had authority over their wives, much like a father did over his family. With this in mind, things became very difficult in a household, especially if the woman was saved and the husband was not.
The rub was, if the wife decided to change her religion on her own without her husband being saved, the husband could see it as an embarrassment to him and that his wife was being defiant. The last thing a man wanted to be seen as was being weak, and this could cerate real problems for the wife.
So Peter says, In the same way… this might cause us to say, the same way as what? Remember, Peter has taught us about being submissive to all authorities and that we should also be submissive to our bosses as well. And now Peter is bringing submission into the family. This is important for the wife at this point, because how her husband reacts to her actions could result in severe abuse from him.
In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands…
We also saw this from Paul when we studied Ephesians:
Eph. 5:22-23
“Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body.”
Paul also says the same thing in Col. 3:18.
Simply put, being submissive does not imply any moral, intellectual, or spiritual weakness within the family, workplace, or society in general. Just as within the military, a commanding officer isn’t necessarily superior in character to the troops under him, but his authority is vital to the success of the unit.
Being submissive To your own husbands… Peter is saying husband here specifically, because the wife is not to be submissive to all men in every context.
I Cor. 11:3
“But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the man is the head of a woman, and God is the head of Christ.”
Looking at men and women in the church, God has His design for authority and submission, but when the world sees God’s plan, it rails against it.
I Tim. 2:11-12
“A woman must quietly receive instruction with entire submissiveness. But I do not allow a woman to teach or exercise authority over a man, but to remain quiet.”
God has a design and order as to how we are to do things, but at the same time, a man is never to abuse his authorities given by God.
Getting back to the husband… so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives,
When Peter says disobedient to the word he’s referring to an unbelieving husband, the one who wants nothing to do with the gospel.
“Houston, we have a problem,” we have a believing wife with an unbelieving husband, an equation that can lead to disaster, but at the same time, the wife has an obligation to hang in there with her husband. We have three verses from Paul that will help us out here:
I Cor. 7:13-15
(13) “And a woman who has an unbelieving husband, and he consents to live with her, she must not send her husband away.”
Our verse says, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives… this advice can be applied to both the husband or wife. Unsaved spouses benefit from the divine blessings their saved spouses receive from God, just by being in the same household.
(14) “For the unbelieving husband is sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified through her believing husband; for otherwise your children are unclean, but now they are holy.”
But on the other hand, if an unbelieving husband doesn’t want to stay with his believing wife, she doesn’t need to coerce him to stick around.
(15) “Yet if the unbelieving one leaves, let him leave; the brother or the sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called us to peace.”
Under these circumstances, the believer is free to re-marry, the same if the spouse has died. This is why when a believer gets married, they should not be unequally yoked to the other person. Too many times, the unbeliever will drag down a believing spouse, resulting in a distant relationship with God.
They may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives… this reminds me of “Do all you can to preach the gospel and if necessary use words!” St. Francis of Assisi. Peter has been teaching us that our witness is important… how we handle ourselves with the authorities, in the workplace, and here… within the family, and at times, our actions do speak louder than words.
There are those who take what St. Francis said out of context, thinking they don’t have to tell anyone about Jesus, they just have to act like a believer… don’t do that!
II Tim. 1:7
“For God has not given us a spirit of timidity, but of power and love and discipline (self-control).”
What Peter is saying, is that the wife’s godly behavior in front of her husband could be what God might use to plant the gospel seed in the husband’s heart. Submission in action.
Titus 2:5
“To be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.”
I Peter 3:2
“As they observe your chaste and respectful behavior.”
All of the actions of the wife are on full display for the husband to see. The problem is, a lot of guys aren’t too observant… they’re too busy fixing things or hunting things down. For the husband who is paying attention, her submission as a faithful wife could be just the thing that makes the gospel attractive to him.
I Peter 3:3
“Your adornment must not be merely external – braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses;”
The Greek word “adornment” is kos’-mos which means “ordered universe,” from which we get the word “cosmetic,” so here Peter is speaking of an order not of the outward appearance, but an order in the inner person. Our take-away, ladies, is “don’t make clothes, jewelry, or the way you fix your hair the center of your universe or your top priority,” says Peter. If you do, you’re missing God’s best for you. Women should live in a beautiful orderly fashion, being careful not to bring unwelcomed attention to herself.
Long before Peter’s time, a warning to Jerusalem was given:
Isaiah 3:16-24
The Lord says, “Beautiful Zion is haughty: craning her elegant neck, flirting with her eyes, walking with dainty steps, tinkling her ankle bracelets. So the Lord will send scabs on her head; the Lord will make beautiful Zion bald. On that day of judgment the Lord will strip away everything that makes her beautiful: ornaments, headbands, crescent necklaces, earrings, bracelets, and veils; scarves, ankle bracelets, sashes, perfumes, and charms; rings, jewels, party clothes, gowns, capes, and purses; mirrors, fine linen garments, head ornaments, and shawls. Instead of smelling of sweet perfume, she will stink. She will wear a rope for a sash, and her elegant hair will fall out. She will wear rough burlap instead of rich robes. Shame will replace her beauty.” (NLT)
Roman women were captivated by the latest fashions of the day, and competed with each other in dress and hairdos (not much has changed). It wasn’t unusual for women to have elaborate hairstyles, studded with gold and silver combs and even jewels. They wore elaborate and expensive garments, all for the purpose of impressing each other.
I Peter 3:4
“But let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God.”
Any husband is proud of a wife who is attractive, but that beauty must come from the heart… as with God, it’s always about the heart. To have the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit takes a measure of humility.
Whenever I see the beautiful people of society, there always seems to be a void in the humility department.
I Sam. 16:7
“But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look at his appearance or at the height of his stature, because I have rejected him; for God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”
Outside beauty is fleeting. The fact is, the outer beauty is just a temporary layer we all have, which disintegrates with time and age. While on the flip-side, the inner beauty of a person remains untouched and is everlasting. True inner beauty comes from having an intimate relationship with God.
I Tim. 2:9-10
“Likewise, I want women to adorn themselves with proper clothing, modestly and discreetly, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly garments, but rather by means of good works, as is proper for women making a claim to godliness.”
John MacArthur, “It is certainly possible for a woman’s appearance to be so unkempt and unadorned as to embarrass and discourage her husband, to whom such indifference in the name of Christ would make the gospel offensive and be just as spiritually detrimental as too much attention given to externals. The Lord is most pleased when a believing woman’s modest yet thoughtful and lovingly adornment reflects the inner beauty Christ has fashioned in her.”
To put it simply, as Pastor Chuck Smith used to say, “If the barn needs painting, paint the barn.”
I Peter 3:5
“For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands;”
Boaz speaking to Ruth:
Ruth 3:11
“Now, my daughter, do not fear. I will do for you whatever you ask, for all my people in the city know that you are a woman of excellence.”
Boaz declared Ruth as a woman of excellence, she is an excellent example to us of hard work and faithfulness. Ruth trusted the Lord, and He rewarded her faithfulness by giving her not only a husband but a son (Obed).
Proverbs 31 gives us some insight as to who Peter is talking about:
Proverbs 31:10-31 (NLT)
“Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is more precious than rubies. Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. She finds wool and flax and busily spins it. She is like a merchant’s ship, bringing her food from afar. She gets up before dawn to prepare breakfast for her household and plan the day’s work for her servant girls. She goes to inspect a field and buys it; with her earnings she plants a vineyard. She is energetic and strong, a hard worker. She makes sure her dealings are profitable; her lamp burns late into the night. Her hands are busy spinning thread, her fingers twisting fiber. She extends a helping hand to the poor and opens her arms to the needy. She has no fear of winter for her household, for everyone has warm clothes. She makes her own bedspreads. She dresses in fine linen and purple gowns. Her husband is well known at the city gates, where he sits with the other civic leaders. She makes belted linen garments and sashes to sell to the merchants. She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future. When she speaks, her words are wise, and she gives instructions with kindness. She carefully watches everything in her household and suffers nothing from laziness. Her children stand and bless her. Her husband praises her: “There are many virtuous and capable women in the world, but you surpass them all!” Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised. Reward her for all she has done. Let her deeds publicly declare her praise.”
After reading about the woman in Proverbs 31, some might be thinking that no one can be like that. This isn’t much different from when Jesus says to us,
“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and with all your mind; and your neighbor as yourself.” (Lk. 10:27)
If we’re honest with ourselves, we have to admit that what Jesus is commanding seems impossible… but “all” things are possible with God. Peter is speaking of godly women who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands, and as an example he brings up Sarah:
I Peter 3:6
“Just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord, and you have become her children if you do what is right without being frightened by any fear.”
Sarah obeyed Abraham… Abraham is the father of God’s covenant people and Sarah was his wife. She obeyed her husband calling him lord… that’s with a small “L” which is the same as master. So we can say Sarah was submissive to her husband Abraham, and that she recognized him as the leader and the head of the household. Sarah did ultimately put her hope in God, even though she tried to help God by giving her maid servant to Abraham so they could have a child… that was Sarah acting out in the flesh.
And you have become her children…
In Galatians 3:7, Paul, writing to Gentiles, says, “Know then that it is those of faith who are the sons of Abraham” (ESV).
Here Paul advances the idea of a spiritual family in contrast to a physical family – a family sharing faith rather than a bloodline. In the same way, all believing wives who follow Sarah’s example of submission and modesty have in that sense become her children as well.
If you do what is right without being frightened by any fear…
The women who find themselves following the same course as Sarah, have made a commitment in their heart to do what is right, or we could also say do what is good. They’re committed to this, even though they might have some serious fears about what could happen to them by submitting to an unsaved husband.
I John 4:18
“Such love has no fear, because perfect love expels all fear. If we are afraid, it is for fear of punishment, and this shows that we have not fully experienced His perfect love.” (NLT)
Those who are faithful to submit because it is good and right can be used by God in the salvation of their husbands.
There is much to be said about a life lived for Christ, even though some unwanted consequences may result. It’s things like this that bring rewards from the judgment seat of Christ.
In these verses, women have been given a greater amount of instruction because their challenge to live with men can be much more difficult. Now Peter switches the focus on to husbands.
I Peter 3:7
“You husbands in the same way, live with your wives in an understanding way, as with someone weaker, since she is a woman; and show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life, so that your prayers will not be hindered.”
Not only are wives to submit, but husbands are to do the same. In the same way… Peter is referring once again to the duty of submission. It’s the old saying, “what’s good for the goose is good for gander.” Literally, what is good for a female goose is equally good for a male goose (gander); or, what is good for a woman should be equally as good for a man.
In sharing a home intimately, we as believers should live differently when compared to the world. We need to do the things God has asked of us… being obedient by faith.
Live with your wives in an understanding way…
Husbands are to give their wives two gifts of love: understanding and respect.
A truly spiritual husband will fulfill his marital duties by loving his wife. The King James version says, dwell with them… which suggests that the husband should provide for the physical and material needs of the home.
One commentary says, “While it’s not wrong for a wife to have a job or career, her first responsibility is to care for the home. It is the husband who should provide.”
For the husband to live with his wife in an understanding way means being sensitive and considering the wife’s deepest physical and emotional needs. Now if you tune into to what is depicted on TV, most of the time you’ll see the man as a stumbling, bumbling idiot, not capable of loving his wife in a godly way. This is part of satan’s plan to destroy the family unit. God has a different plan.
Eph. 5:25-28
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself;”
Believing husbands must constantly nourish and cherish their wives in the bond of intimacy. This is why it is so important to stay in God’s Word… it’s His Word that gives us the reminders we need to go in the right direction.
Guys, we are to live with our wives understanding that she is as it says; Someone weaker, since she is a woman… this is where the word chivalry needs to come in… which has almost disappeared completely from society (another scheme from satan). Yes, the woman is the weaker sex, but it doesn’t mean that she is weak in character or intelligence… and it also doesn’t mean she is weak spiritually as well.
In regards to chivalry, men, it’s okay to open a door for a woman, even if you don’t know her… it’s okay to be a gentleman. In your household, you are to do the heavy lifting, both physically and spiritually. Think of this in terms of you are to be the sacrificial provider, the protector of your wife. God made you for this.
I Tim. 5:8
“But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”
Men in this world need to retake what has been slowly stolen away from them… their manhood. It’s okay to be a strong man of God… to be a warrior for Christ.
Josh 1:7
“Only be strong and very courageous; be careful to do according to all the law which Moses My servant commanded you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, so that you may have success wherever you go.”
And show her honor as a fellow heir of the grace of life…
Warren Wiersbe, “A husband and wife are “heirs together.” If the wife shows submission and the husband consideration, and if both submit to Christ and follow His example, then they will have an enriching experience in their marriage. If not, they will miss God’s best and rob each other of blessing and growth. “The grace of life” may refer to children, who certainly are a heritage from God (Ps. 127:3); but even childless couples can enjoy spiritual riches if they will obey Peter’s admonitions.”
Another way to look at this is, marriage is the grace of life. In the beginning God saw that it wasn’t good for Adam to be alone, thus God created Eve to be Adam’s wife. Marriage is a very special gift given by God. Grace means unmerited, undeserved favor. The grace of life could also refer to the husband’s wife being saved, and that they share in salvation together. If his wife isn’t saved, it would refer to the gift of a physical life together.
Honor her… how can the husband honor his wife?
He can be considerate of her. By having consideration for his wife he is respectful, thoughtful, gentle, kind, careful, sensitive, and selfless. And in doing these things an intimate companionship will flourish.
The husband that honors his wife and sees her as a gift from God and not a burden… your prayers will not be hindered. This is the reward God promises to the loving and caring husband. The prayers in mind could be salvation for an unsaved wife, but is not limited to that.
For the husband that is callous, disrespectful, uninvolved and selfish… your prayers will be hindered. Certainly, if a husband or wife is living outside the will of God when it comes to their marriage (or anything else for that matter), how could God bless any of their prayers?
In verses 1 to 7 we see Peter instructing us how to secure a healthy marriage, but the underlying issue is about the spouse that is unsaved. It’s important to always have a solid witness before your spouse, whether they’re saved or unsaved, always displaying a faithful submissive nature. This kind of behavior pleases God.